Sanity?

I am always finding myself at the end of my rope... of patience.  I love my children so very much but there are times when I just find myself asking "what have I gotten myself into?"  I didn't have so much of a bad day yesterday but I'm finding myself wanting quiet time that rarely seems to happen around here. 
Getting all the kids to sleep in the evening is not like shutting off a switch, more like a process.  It begins so pleasantly with "ok time for bed!" *I'm still all smiles at this point*  I happily playfully take them through their bedtime routines of bath, pjs, teeth, potty, drink and then BED!!!!  Yippee for Mommy, its bedtime!!!  Orrrrrr....not.  I have four children.  Danielle is 7, Jack is 5, Wesley is 3 and Lacey is 20 months.  *insert some comment like...wow you really have your hands full*  Anyways, cue the parade of extra potty breaks, an unquenchable thirst and of course because the boys share a room and the girls share a room the "he wronged me in some horrible way and so I must scream at the top of my lungs to notify you of this wretched injustice!" 
This bedtime which spans anywhere from 2-3 hours from the moment I announce the commencement of the bedtime process is more stressful to me than any other part of my entire day!  I am a morning person by nature.  Hence, setting my alarm and rising at 5:30 to workout, drink coffee and blog :)  Is waking this early challenging?  Heck ya!  But I am calm, happy and sane *disclaimer: I make no guarantee of my actual sanity... I did have 4 kids* 
Last night, after they were tucked in bed, I told hubby that I was needing to get away for a bit and I drove to Wal-Mart to buy a new bathroom scale, food scale and whatever else fell into my cart :)  I told him to call me once the house was quiet.  Ahhh....shopping therapy, for me I don't even really need to spend anything.  I happily browsed clothes, jewelry, housewares.... everything!  No one was pulling things off shelves, hitting their sister or begging for candy...bliss.  I tried on a swimsuit in size Large and it JUST fit me.  I didn't buy it, cause I didn't love the print.... anyways...
Once I arrived home and checked facebook before bed I stumbled upon a family pic of mother and children playing together on a hotel luggage cart and the caption... oh wow, this struck me as so profound that I am going to read this each and every day....well I often exaggerate, I'll probably read it again today once I copy and paste it :)  So many good points and reminders to Moms to help keep their sanity.

 For the days we are running on empty. For the days we just don't think we have it in us to read one more story, play one more game of Uno, wash one more round of sheets. For the days when we think everyone else has it together. For the days we're sure anyone else would do this job better.

For those days. You know the ones.

Repeat after me:

1. I shall not judge my house, my kid's summer activities or my crafting skills by Pinterest's standards.

2. I shall not measure what I've accomplished today by the loads of unfolded laundry but by the assurance of deep love I've tickled into my kids.

3. I shall say yes to blanket forts and see past the chaos to the memories we're building.

4. I shall surprise my kids with trips to get ice cream when they're already in their pajamas.

5. I shall not compare myself to other mothers but find my identity in the God who trusted me with these kids in the first place.

6. I shall remember that a messy house at peace is better than an immaculate house tied up in knots.

7. I shall play music loudly and teach my kids the joy of wildly uncoordinated dance.

8. I shall remind myself that perfect is simply a street sign at the intersection of impossible and frustration in Never Never land.

9. I shall embrace the fact that in becoming a mom I traded perfect for a house full of real.

10. I shall promise to love this body that bore these children out loud, especially in front of my daughter.

11. I shall give my other mother friends the gift of guilt-free friendship.

12. I shall do my best to admit to my people my unfine moments.

13. I shall say sorry when sorry is necessary.

14. I pray God I shall never be too proud, angry or stubborn to ask for my children's forgiveness.

15. I shall make space in my grown-up world for goofball moments with my kids.

16. I shall love their father and make sure they know I love him.

17. I shall model kind words to kids and grown-ups alike.

18. I shall not be intimidated by the inside of my minivan this season of chip bags, goldfish crackers and discarded socks too shall pass.

19. I shall always make time to encourage new moms.

20. I shall not resent that last call for kisses and cups of water but remember instead that when I blink they'll all be in college.

... with love from one tired mother to another.

 

Rest Day - Motivational posters!

Soooo, I'm feeling a little down today. 

I must be building muscle this week or something.  Yesterday, I was AWESOME!  I did my workout, I followed the meal plan and yet this morning that mean scale said 180. 

I don't know what's going on but it is not a nice feeling.  I am really hoping that it is just muscle gain.  My sore, achy legs must be growing some heavy muscle.  But I mean really... why can't my body just turn some of the disgusting fat deposits into muscle???  So unfair. 

This is definitely the most exercise I've done in a few months so I guess it could just be muscle.  But I swear if that scale tips back to that awful 185 number I stared at for the last couple months I might just cry.

 
I'm working so hard!  I wake up ridiculously early, I bust my butt working out, I am doing the best I've ever done at following a meal plan... where is my reward this week???

 Its only Wednesday.  I will follow my meal plan, do some stretching and see what happens tomorrow.  Here's some motivation for me to keep going!!!

 I've already lost 60 pounds!  I'm not quitting!  I'm going to keep working.  I am really going to PUSH myself in my workout tomorrow... I will not say I can NOT do lunges... if I fall down I'll just get up and do it again!
 

Technology...Friend or Foe?

This laptop issue is so annoying.  Technology is so handy as long as it keeps working!  My laptop crashed right after I signed up to do Revolt.  Since all the workout videos are streamed off the website, this has caused me some irritation.  The first day, I used my hubby's Acer notebook, but the video was streaming all choppy because he doesn't run windows but instead this is his hacking computer that he runs some weird operating system.  He managed to download the video for me but only has one thumb drive that his OS reads... I lost it... or I think the kids did... I swear I put in on top of the tower speaker in our living room, but alas, it is gone.  Hubby said I should have put it in my pocket and guarded it with my LIFE.  Oops.  So the next day we managed to get his computer to read an external hard drive that has all our kids movies and kinda lives in our TV.  But for some reason that did not work today....

Today... oh my.  When my alarm went off at 5am, I must have shut it off instead of hitting snooze, as I usually do at least once or twice before I'm capable of managing more movement.  But somehow I woke up at 6:30.  I tried downloading the vid but was messing something up.  I realized I should just go eat breakfast, send the big lils to school and do my workout after. 

Then I realized, why am I fighting with this obscure OS??  I'll just go use the office computer that I blog on!  So after some mistakes and coaching and finally a take over from hubby, I got both todays' lower body sculpt and an upper body sculpt for Friday downloaded and put on my external hard drive!  Finally did my workout at 10am, yippee! ... er umm... now I say yippee... earlier it was "when's this gonna end?"  I couldn't do a full 30 sec of wall sits for the last 2 reps, I truly fall over while attempting reverse lunges and one leg dead lifts and my forward lunges are slow and shaky.... my squats are improving though :)   Had my protein shake... num num and carried on with my day.  My wee lil'est one is napping so at last I am blogging while drinking the best part of my week... my Berry Smoothie!!!!!

Report on yesterday.  I was a little confused as to whether or not to have 2 slices of bread with my breakfast since they are really really thin slices of sprouted grain bread.  I decided that in order to use all 4 egg whites (which on Sunday RAN all over my pan) I should use 2.  Otherwise, I followed the diet perfectly until I had to run to the city in the evening.  Standby McDonald's supper for my kidlets and I since I managed to quickly eat my soup before I left I planned to have a side salad.  I chose wrong.  I got the side Caesar and it was heaped with parm  and chunks of bacon.  I thought...well...its only a little cheat.  I hardly used any of the horrifically high cal dressing but then of course I ate a few of someone's fries and a bite of a burger.... truly it was only a bite... I just wanted to TASTE it!  Ugh... I lack will power.  So this morning I was up a half pound 179.5... thankfully I wasn't back to the 180's but I was thoroughly disappointed that a few lil cheats could make such a HUGE difference! 

Back to today... I made my egg in basket with ONE piece of sprouted grain bread and just poured a lot of the egg white all over the bread.  I'm otherwise sticking to my diet perfectly today and I will NOT cheat.  I'm looking forward to my rest day tomorrow because although I didn't complete ALL the workout perfectly today, my legs are just sore!!!  Hard to stand up and walk at times!  I hope that I eventually get to a point where I am in shape and these exercises are not so difficult and painful!

On the home front... My dearest cousin (might as well be sister) is getting married on Saturday and I have a busy week of helping decorate, joining in on a beauty day, rehearsal and of course the wedding itself!  I'm looking forward to my mani/pedi and spray tan!

Looking forward to Summer Break!

Where I died this morning.

Tabatas - Wikipedia says they are....  High-intensity interval training (HIIT), also called High-Intensity Intermittent Exercise (HIIE) or sprint interval training (SIT), is an enhanced form of interval training, an exercise strategy alternating periods of short intense anaerobic exercise with less-intense recovery periods. HIIT is a form of cardiovascular exercise. Usual HIIT sessions may vary from 4–30 minutes. These short, intense workouts provide improved athletic capacity and condition, improved glucose metabolism, and improved fat burning.



Ummmm... so I started my first full week of Revolt today.  Last week I was doing mostly the free kickstart.  I missed the first part of the month where she was working on these Tabatas...or shall I call it "who the heck can do this without DYING!"  I struggled through each of the prescribed exercises but in no way did I do it at the speed or duration that she was demonstrating!  Plus the video was a full 45 mins!!!  ugh...oof...and ugh again.  I hurt.  I am supposed to do the Tabatas again on Thursday and Saturday.  hahahaha!  I laugh at the absolutely insane idea that I may EVER keep up with that!

As for food.  I did AWESOME yesterday.  Ate exactly what I was supposed to and drank my entire gallon of water WOOT WOOT, yeah me :)  As a result of my awesomeness I was down to 179 this morning!!!  *happy dance*  So, I shall keep on, keeping on. 

Personal note.  My big lils only have 4 days of school left before summer break!  Today is their "tabloid day" at school, so me and the wee lils are going to head there to watch them after lunch today.  I'm really excited to start summer break.  The kids are so hard to wake up in the morning and I'm looking forward to taking them swimming, boating, to the park and library.  And of course they have squirts camp for 3 days in August, we have 3 family reunions and just getting to stay up late and let them sleep in will be such a treat!

Here's my ode to last summer's body... Bye bye old self, HELLO new self :)

 

Rainy Sunday Morning

This a picture taken last spring after a nice rain.  This is the view from my deck :)

Well its a drizzly wet day out here in my hay field.  I think its a good day to watch movies and chill out :)  I never got my workout in yesterday.  And I didn't do all that well with my eating.  Had some fries with the kids at supper time.  But I maintained at 181.  Looking forward to working hard and getting out of the 180's this week!  I think that for next weekend I will get up early on Saturday so I don't miss that workout.  And someone else on the Revolt facebook group suggested not starting the free day till lunch time so I'm going to try that as well and really purpose not to cheat on the Friday night like I did this week.  I got all my food prepped and in my fridge for the week and started my morning off with my breakky and I'm drinking my protein shake as I type. 

For those of you interested in this fitness program I will list the foods I am eating this week.

Breakfast: Egg in a Frame
Snack:  Protein Shake and raisins
Lunch: Grilled Salmon, Brown Rice & Salad
Snack:  Smoothie
Supper:  Baja Turkey Soup & Salad
Dessert:  Chocolate Mousse

If you are interested in doing this program with me head to www.revoltnowfitness and sign up!  Its incredibly reasonably priced at $10/month, $27/ 3mos, or $50/year!  I signed up for the year because I figure even if I do manage to reach my goal in the next 3-6 mos, I'm sure I'd love to keep doing the workouts after and I'll especially need this after the holidays!

By the way, I'm not at all receiving any compensation for my review of this program, I just really like it! 

On a personal note, my lil ones are enjoying the summer.  They spent the whole Friday evening digging a giant hole with their friends during the bonfire (the big lils anyways) and then spent all yesterday afternoon playing in their giant hole.  If it wasn't pouring rain I'd go take a picture.  I spent a couple hours laying out in the sunshine in my yard yesterday, it was so relaxing!

Oops, sneaky cheat day.

So yesterday I was faced with temptations... I sorta lost.   I ended up going to the city to get groceries and on the way there I got a flat tire!  Then Wal-Mart did not have everything I needed, so I had to go to Safeway also, realizing in Wal-Mart that it was about my snack time I bought myself this smoothie....

It was only 180 cal with no added sugar.  I figured it would do :)  So then I get home and hubby wants to take me cruising in our 1976 Cadillac El Dorado convertible. 

Here's a pic of it from last summer, and by the way... that's our trailer in a hay field behind it!

Since the sitter was still there I quickly unloaded my groceries and hopped in!  It only has a temporary permit on it so we can fix it up a bit to drive it for my cousins wedding.  We got pulled over by the cops, they checked the permit and let us go.  While gassing up the battery died, we were on our way to replace it, and the quickly deflating tires but someone there gave us a boost :) We carried on happily, getting those stares that classic cars get :)  Time flew by and so for supper I got a salad with grilled chicken at McDonald's.

On the drive hubby mentioned that he wanted to have a bonfire and had invited his cousin and fam over.  I put my lils to bed and when the guests arrived I decided to have an iced tea with them :)  oops....cheat #1.  I took the babysitter home and when I got back I was feeling so tired and soon I was hungry, I decided that free day was starting right now at 11pm!  haha!  So I had 2 hot dogs, a handful of chips and a few roasted marshmallows :-O

I went to bed ridiculously late, I'm exhausted today and my arms are KILLING me from yesterdays workout.  I'm feeling a little guilty about my cheats yesterday, but I'm thinking I'll just eat what I was supposed to eat yesterday today and prep my food for next week.  Oh and of course I was up 1 pound this morning because of my late night cheating :(  I'm still feeling optimistic about starting my first full week with revolt tomorrow!!!  Its gonna be awesome and I'm going to hurt so good!!! 

On a completely different note.  I got dressed this morning and although I've definitely got work to do to get me to my goal weight, I looked in the mirror and said to my hubby... "that's finally me!  I don't look in the mirror and ask 'who is that fat girl?' I look at myself and see all the progress I've made and that girl smiling back at me is really ME!  I can't wait to shed these last 30 pounds!  I'm so stinkin happy to be getting somewhere!

Ow... my arms.

So today was arm day!  I thought that being a mom of four and lugging kids, diaper bags, carseats etc would have given me at least SOME measure of strength in my arms....apparently not! 

I want to mention that my husband was a LOT less critical of the wonderful revolt site this morning and actually downloaded today's video onto a thumb drive to play on our nice big screen tv in my living room!  Woot!  that was so nice of him! 

Here's my man being all sexy <3

Today's workout consisted of pushups, overhead press, flies, rows and a couple of ball exercises... but I don't own a ball so I modified those to work for me and one I just did a plank.  I'm finding all the workouts to be incredibly challenging but totally achievable.  I'd like to mention that I have tried different workouts in the past and the number one thing that I love about these videos is that she offers level 1, 2 and 3 options.  Being in level 1 I "only" have to do 3 reps of each set of exercises (only, ha!  its still super hard!) But because I can actually get through those reps with minor modifications I feel an immense sense of satisfaction for completing my workouts!!!  Other videos, they say "its ok if you don't make it through, just keep trying" but I am easily discouraged and the fact that I'm like so far behind is a major let down for me, not with these though because she makes it very clear what she's demonstrating and then I get a little break between each set since she is showing how to do level 2.  I'm all like HAHA!  I did it!!!  Plus then I know I'm working all the muscle groups that are intended!

As for the food part.  Monday - Wednesday I felt HUNGRY all the time and was counting down the minutes till I could eat my next "meal" which felt more like a micro-snack to my uber hungry tummy.  But I persevered and stuck to the meal plan.  Also by Wednesday, the sugar withdrawal symptoms really hit hard with a killer headache in the afternoon.  Then Thursday, I was an absolute witch by evening!  But I wasn't hungry, just headachy, miserable, irritable and TIRED!  I went to bed really early last night and woke up on time today and I feel ready to take on the day!!!  Tomorrow is my free day and I'm nervous and excited all at once.  I was a nice even 180 this morning and so the first thing I'm nervous about is putting back on weight, I'm so close to leaving the 180's that I would hate to pack on a pound or 2 in a day.  The next thing I'm worried about is if I eat a lot of sugar, or even just carbs tomorrow, will I go through sugar withdrawal all over again?  And of course I'm excited about not having to eat the same things I've been eating all week and plotting out my cheats for the day.  I'm thinking a Starbucks frapp is in order for sure and then maybe getting the Applebee's oriental chicken salad!  yum yum.  I think I've decided not to go completely all out junk food tomorrow, because I'm so happy with my results that I really really just don't want to mess with this!

Starting Sunday is going to be my first FULL week with revolt.  I only started on Monday this week and the food part goes Sun-Fri, Sat free day.  The workouts are Mon-Fri so at least I did that part :)

Stats:
Before Revolt - 185
One Week later - 180

Pretty good week I'd say!!!!

When everything goes wrong...but I still did it!

Oh my word.  I'm on day 4 of this new fitness program and everything that could go wrong seems to have gone wrong!  I slept in by about 15 mins...not too bad.  I get up and remember, oh ya, my laptop died yesterday. I need to stream the workout video online. So I go to get my hubby's lil acer notebook...cannot find the power cord and its not charged.  I spent at least 15 mins hunting for the cord, then thought I'll just try to watch the video on my phone.  It says I can't watch it on mobile.  So I resume hunting for the cord.  I wake up my bear of a husband (he is NOT a morning person) and he directs me to his office for the cord.  His office is tiny and its kind of in a large closet with no windows, the light bulb is burnt out.  I replace the bulb and start searching, nope.  I ask him to please help me find it.  He finally gets up, fairly irritated and helps me find the cord.  We live out in the middle of no where and have no high speed internet, we do all our online activity through our phone's internet...it takes FOREVER to get through the website and find a video.  I don't even think I'm doing the right one but its getting late, I'm soon going to need to get my kids up for school.  So, its not streaming well and its kinda choppy and I figure, who cares.  Well my hubby starts complaining about it as he is now looking through the website on his phone talking about how poorly set up it is and complaining that I would spend money on this.  I get through the work out painfully, quickly shower and then start rushing around to get my kids ready for school. 

The kids are actually in a pretty good mood because last night I went shopping for some new undies for my girlie and bought some "new" shoes from value village for my boy.  We have a shoe problem at our home right now...well it actually a dog problem.  If the kids leave their shoes outside while playing, which seems to be a regular occurrence, our two rottie/border collie cross year old pups... SHRED the shoes!  So just as I'm thinking that my stress level is diminishing and proud of myself for persevering through an aggravating morning I look out the window and realize that my 3 year old boy left HIS runners in the back yard.  ARGH!!!!!  So anyways... I'm now finally sitting down to my first cup of black coffee with a stevia packet, which today tastes disgusting!  What I wouldn't give for a double double.

If I can't have it I will enjoy a picture of it!

On a strange little side note, while I was shopping in Wal-Mart yesterday and the smell from McDonalds was calling my name...until I looked over and gazed at all the people sitting in there.  Now I don't want to sound mean, and I know that what I saw is not ALWAYS the case but last night at 9:45pm in McDonalds there were about 5-8 people sitting around in there, alone and they were all some level of overweight.  I stopped and thought to myself, I'm not doing THAT again.  And I happily went home knowing that I am changing the way I do things :)  By the way...I lost half a pound yesterday! 180.5   :)

Mmm... Big Mac... Good-bye you back-stabbing "friend"



Revolt Now Fitness - free kickstart

So before I post the horrid bikini pic I thought I'd post a nice clothed pic because I actually think I look pretty good with clothes on!

 

 

So, my goal weight is 150 pounds.  I based that on the fact that I am a medium build female standing 5'8.  I once found a chart online that gave me that number as the max weight for me.... I can't find it now.  As of this morning I have 31 pounds to go!  Yes, that's correct I broke my 185 stall yesterday morning at 183 and this morning I weighed in at 181!!!  I feel pretty good about the fact that I've already shed 59 pounds total!  But 31 is still a pretty big number. 

 

My sister in law from http://meandmyhandful.blogspot.com recently started reviewing a fitness program from www.revoltnowfitness.com and I really loved the concepts.  I decided to start with the week free kickstart on Monday.  She offers meal plans and recipes where you prepare all your food on Sunday to eat all week.  This makes the meals and snacks more convenient to choose than anything else.  You are also supposed to drink a gallon (or 4 litres) of water every day.  The workouts videos are streamed online and consist of various exercises done in a circuit that can be easily done in my bedroom!  All I had to buy was ingredients for my food and a yoga mat (my floor was too hard).  I'm on day 3 and I've lost 4 pounds already.

 

So far I'm really enjoying it.  Today is my active rest/stretch day.  I'm thinking I'll go for a walk with the kids this afternoon as she recommends doing some sort of light activity today.  I'm finding the exercises VERY challenging but not impossible.  She demonstrates a level 1,2 and 3 version of each exercise.  On some I'm struggling to do the level 1 but on others I feel comfortable doing the level 2.  I'm planning on signing up for the full program for next week because I'm already finding it very effective.

 

So without further adieu here it is... ugh... the BEFORE picture.  As you can see, I've got a lot of work ahead of me.... maybe one day I'll actually look good in this bikini, although I highly doubt I'd ever wear it out in public!

 

The First One

Good Morning!  I wanted to start a blog, but of course like my conversations, my ideas of what I might blog about are all over the place!  I'm starting this blog to document the next lap of my weight loss journey.  I started off as a normal kid.... actually somewhat skinny. 

My blogging abilities are nil, this pic just keeps turning!  I was approx. 10 years old here.

 

During puberty I put on some weight in my lower abdomen and thighs which got me labelled as "fat" all through junior high.  In high school I wore that label.  Looking back at those pics, I really looked pretty good!  A few sit ups and a little less mashed potatoes and I would've looked AWESOME! 


Here I am around age 14.

And here's me at age 17.

Through my adult years I struggled with my weight and had a lot of personal issues that contributed to frequently gaining or losing large amounts of weight in very unhealthy ways.  As my lifestyle sorta stabilized I met and married my husband (going on 8 years now) and we started our family. 

My wedding day <3

After my second child I tipped the scales at 225 pounds!!!! 

A friend and I began counting calories and I lost a whopping 40 pounds 185!!!...then I got pregnant with baby #3.  After babe was born I was at 210 pounds.  Resuming my caloric restriction I shaved off 25 pounds, 185 again....and then baby #4 on the way :)  For some reason I left no donut, burger or cake uneaten during my last pregnancy.  I knew this was our last baby and I way OVER indulged!  Baby was born Oct 5, which of course was followed by Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas.  Add in an attempt at homeschooling and by February I beat my old score of 225 by 15 pounds...240!
Ugh.  Me?  Really!?  Ew.  I was so unhappy.  I cannot find one pic of me at that weight.  Kinda nice   actually... maybe I should pretend it never happened ;-)  I started counted calories again but found it increasingly difficult.  Almost a year later I had only lost 20 pounds. 

Finally, my friend and I made a New Years Resolution (cheesy, I know) to go to the gym 3 days a week.  We started the second week of January 2013 and decided to run.  We used the couch to 5K running plan and although we never ran 5k, in the end we had the stamina to run for 30 mins!  Pretty impressed I will say.  In just 3 months I lost 30 pounds!!!  Staggering. 

This picture is actually incredibly flattering, I have a VERY accurate
depiction of my current weight coming for tomorrow.

Right around then I was unable to fulfill my commitment to the gym.  My husband's work hours picked up and finding child care for 4 children is more than a little challenging.  I continued trying to eat well but lost my focus on exercise.  I lost another 5 pounds in April but then I got stuck at 185 and I've hovered around that number for all of May and June.

Time to go get the two oldest kidlets off to school.  More about me tomorrow. 

Niftymamaof4